A blog from Pizzaslinger!!!

...well, we did get a couple of hours 2 mornings ago with some spectacular sheet lightnening, the sound of rumbling thunder signalling a storm was on its way, and the first warning drops that prompted me to get off my duff and close all the windows. Then the rain came down...hard. The main street was a river..with lightening flashing so frequently it looked like daylight out there...some areas even got golf ball sized hail, and out in White River, they had a power outage due to some downed power lines. Our power went out here but only momentarily. But damn! What a show!!! I loved every minute of it. Then alas, the rain left, and the heat came..yes. Its still hot, humid and downright fucking nasty hot. I've been sweating non stop for about a week now. Yeah, thats okay...makes me one strong chick!. Anyhoo, what bugs me about the heat is not the heat itself, but inane comments from people like "hot enough for ya?" Umm no, not really, actually I'm freezing standing next to this pizza oven..what the fuck do you think??? Or the ever popular " I bet its really hot back there". Oh not really..Ha ha! You think this is hot?? Climb inside the pizza oven..no come on, don't be shy..here let me give you a PUSH! NOW!!! HOT ENOUGH FOR YA????? HAHAHAHAHA...oh hi Stranger! Thought I'd do a post for ya, since you were so busy playing friggin Solitaire! You don't mind? Great! I'll continue..
Okay for those who don't know me, allow me to introduce myself...they call me Pizzaslinger. I stand for Truth, Justice, and am always on the quest for the perfect pizza. My secret ingredients allow me to transport each individual who partakes in a slice to their own private heaven. At times, and only for the right people, my pizza has given normal everyday people superhuman strength, such as I have to overpower evildoers in our midst and give them a serious ass whooping!!! It gave me great pleasure to give those magical powers to Oh Great One, when she helped me clean the clock of that mofo who tried to take my hard earned cash. Oh Great One..that man is still using a walker for mobility. And who could forget the time once when my super hearing overheard a plot to poison the water I use for my kick ass fabulous dough. What luck when in walked a tall dark eyed gentleman who requested a pepperoni and zucchini pizza. As I was putting the toppings on I'd asked him some casual questions and found he was an enviromentalist, and right then I knew he was just the person I needed to overthrow the evil ones. So i put a secret ingredient in his pizza to give him the same powers I possessed, and just as he was down to his last slice, his gadgets started beeping, and he abruptly got up and left, but not before leaving a c-note at his table. I was thouroughly impressed with his generosity, and knew he'd take care of those assholes who were giving me grief.
My weapons of choice are of course Number 1- My Pizzaknife. Longer than a machete and twice as sharp..I cut those pizza slices lightening quick, and the knife is also useful if any hateful fuck tries to invoke my wrath, or disrespect the pizzeria or anyone I care about. Number 2 weapon..the pizza paddle.no mine is not wooden, only the handle is wood..the rest made of steel. The paddle is flat with sharp edges. I handle it much like a bowstaff...in fact, I have 2 paddles at my disposal.
Number 3 is my Pizza roller cutter..great for those in close jobbies..can slice a persons throat open like a hot knife thru butter.
I also have in my arsenal various sizes of chef knives, as well as metal pizza plates I can throw at a would be attacker..my special ones are flat with a sharp serrated edge. I'm pretty proud of them..what can I say?
Along with the skills Stranger may have told you about me, I also have the ability to read peoples minds, which can come in handy sometimes. Along with my striking blue eyes and raven hair I'm also 6 feet tall...Statuesque some may describe me, and I kind of like that description. Suits me fine.
Okay...now my alter ego Stranger asks a Blogger question to you all, and a few answer, but some don't so lets see...how about we turn the tables shall we??? Ask ME a question..one big rule (for your ow good ya know..don't want to piss me off) keep the questions clean. What do you want to know about the Great Pizzaslinger?? If you want to ask what my hobby is,,ask..my favecolor..ask away..I also know some read the blogs and have never responded...try it..I'll answer everyones question. But I shall leave all of you to ponder your questions...until then....