Some more annoying Poutine eating Mofo's asking for butter!!!!

God damn it..again today, I had some French men walk in..first off, they ask "Tu parle francais?" I said, "No I don't". Ha Ha!!! They ask for a pizza at first to go..a minute later they say they'll eat in..then change their minds yet again a few minutes later. So I make them their pizza, put it in a pizza box for takeout, and then they ask for plates! Yeah..I felt like cursing at them in English, then Greek, then translating into French what I thought of them. But then I figured, no bite your tongue. Then they asked the dreaded question..."You have some butter for the pizza?". Keep in mind ladies and gents, that I do have butter, but I use it for my baking and is paid for out of my own pocket, therefore is mine alone to choose what to do with it. So I told the guy no, I don't have any butter. Fuck him! Good thing Pizzaslinger was taking a well deserved break. She would've done this:
French dude- You got any butter?
Pizzaslinger- Why do you need butter?
French dude- Ummm Tu parle Francais?
Pizzaslinger- Non, Parle francais gronuille!!!
French dude- Pardon?
Pizzaslinger- You deaf? Lets try Sign Language (makes some funny hand movements in front of him)
French dude- Ecoute moi Sil vous plait..I need butter pour la pizza.
Pizzaslinger- For the pizza? What, the pizza isn't good enough as it is?? You have to bastardize my pizza with a French thing such as Butter? Well, I'm not going to ecoute toi, cause you can just Mange moi!!! Fine! You want butter? (Grabs a pound of butter from the cooler, still wrapped, grabs French dude by the throat and shoves the whole stick in his mouth) La!!! Tres bon buerre, oui???
French dude-gggahhhhaahhhhggg
Pizzaslinger- Yeah..eat it! Eat it like a good Frenchman..You got enough there? (she nods his head for him) oui, merci beaucoup!! (Throws him to the ground ) Bienvenue!!!
French dude- S..s...sorry (coughs)
Pizzaslinger- Just be glad you didn't ask for the bottle of Heinz ketchup..I woulda shoved that into another orifice..do me a favor will ya? Tell all your French friends to keep their french customs out of my fine establishment. They are welcome to eat here..just I expect you to speak in English, and never ever ask for poutine, ketchup or butter ever again!!! TU ECOUTE MOI????
French dude-Oui.
Pizzaslinger-what?
French dude- Uhhh..yes.
Pizzaslinger- See? English is a piece of cake! Enjoy your pizza. (French dude hurriedly goes back to his place and eats his pizza quietly, and then leaves, but not before cleaning up his table and leaving the Pizzaslinger a nice tip).
There! Pizzaslinger is one tough chick. Her view is if Quebec can insist so strongly on seperation, and making French the dominant language, than Pizzaslinger can favor English, and insist that all her patrons speak it..I mean after all, its Ontario. Pizzaslinger looks down on anyone in support of splitting the country up. Like Pizzaslinger says "Canada..Love it or leave it!!!" No, she is not racist, but feels whats good for the goose is good for the gander, and she's never been one to shy away from the task of playing the Devils Advocate. Ha!!!
Pizzaslinger wants to tell you allshe'sthourouglhly enjoyed the questions she's recieved thus far, and incourages more questions from her adoring fans! She'll be out of town tomorow, and hopefully will be able to post another blog of her own again in the next couple of days..Lets come up with some more questions for her. Ask away..she requests clean questions, and maybe a few thats'll challenge her a little more than last time lol. Ask as many as you want. She'll answer them all! Until next time..

A blog from Pizzaslinger!!!

...well, we did get a couple of hours 2 mornings ago with some spectacular sheet lightnening, the sound of rumbling thunder signalling a storm was on its way, and the first warning drops that prompted me to get off my duff and close all the windows. Then the rain came down...hard. The main street was a river..with lightening flashing so frequently it looked like daylight out there...some areas even got golf ball sized hail, and out in White River, they had a power outage due to some downed power lines. Our power went out here but only momentarily. But damn! What a show!!! I loved every minute of it. Then alas, the rain left, and the heat came..yes. Its still hot, humid and downright fucking nasty hot. I've been sweating non stop for about a week now. Yeah, thats okay...makes me one strong chick!. Anyhoo, what bugs me about the heat is not the heat itself, but inane comments from people like "hot enough for ya?" Umm no, not really, actually I'm freezing standing next to this pizza oven..what the fuck do you think??? Or the ever popular " I bet its really hot back there". Oh not really..Ha ha! You think this is hot?? Climb inside the pizza oven..no come on, don't be shy..here let me give you a PUSH! NOW!!! HOT ENOUGH FOR YA????? HAHAHAHAHA...oh hi Stranger! Thought I'd do a post for ya, since you were so busy playing friggin Solitaire! You don't mind? Great! I'll continue..
Okay for those who don't know me, allow me to introduce myself...they call me Pizzaslinger. I stand for Truth, Justice, and am always on the quest for the perfect pizza. My secret ingredients allow me to transport each individual who partakes in a slice to their own private heaven. At times, and only for the right people, my pizza has given normal everyday people superhuman strength, such as I have to overpower evildoers in our midst and give them a serious ass whooping!!! It gave me great pleasure to give those magical powers to Oh Great One, when she helped me clean the clock of that mofo who tried to take my hard earned cash. Oh Great One..that man is still using a walker for mobility. And who could forget the time once when my super hearing overheard a plot to poison the water I use for my kick ass fabulous dough. What luck when in walked a tall dark eyed gentleman who requested a pepperoni and zucchini pizza. As I was putting the toppings on I'd asked him some casual questions and found he was an enviromentalist, and right then I knew he was just the person I needed to overthrow the evil ones. So i put a secret ingredient in his pizza to give him the same powers I possessed, and just as he was down to his last slice, his gadgets started beeping, and he abruptly got up and left, but not before leaving a c-note at his table. I was thouroughly impressed with his generosity, and knew he'd take care of those assholes who were giving me grief.
My weapons of choice are of course Number 1- My Pizzaknife. Longer than a machete and twice as sharp..I cut those pizza slices lightening quick, and the knife is also useful if any hateful fuck tries to invoke my wrath, or disrespect the pizzeria or anyone I care about. Number 2 weapon..the pizza paddle.no mine is not wooden, only the handle is wood..the rest made of steel. The paddle is flat with sharp edges. I handle it much like a bowstaff...in fact, I have 2 paddles at my disposal.
Number 3 is my Pizza roller cutter..great for those in close jobbies..can slice a persons throat open like a hot knife thru butter.
I also have in my arsenal various sizes of chef knives, as well as metal pizza plates I can throw at a would be attacker..my special ones are flat with a sharp serrated edge. I'm pretty proud of them..what can I say?
Along with the skills Stranger may have told you about me, I also have the ability to read peoples minds, which can come in handy sometimes. Along with my striking blue eyes and raven hair I'm also 6 feet tall...Statuesque some may describe me, and I kind of like that description. Suits me fine.
Okay...now my alter ego Stranger asks a Blogger question to you all, and a few answer, but some don't so lets see...how about we turn the tables shall we??? Ask ME a question..one big rule (for your ow good ya know..don't want to piss me off) keep the questions clean. What do you want to know about the Great Pizzaslinger?? If you want to ask what my hobby is,,ask..my favecolor..ask away..I also know some read the blogs and have never responded...try it..I'll answer everyones question. But I shall leave all of you to ponder your questions...until then....

A very long heat wave here....

Seriously..its been so hot out here...the heat isn't the prob..its the humidity that kills me. Had a busy long ass weekend slinging those pizzas. I have to make sure I soak my head down constantly throughout the day so I don't get overheated. It makes it hard to get a decent nights sleep, but hopefully we'll get a bit of rain soon.
So I have a small rant..its peoples lack of patience, or rather in the case of this anecdote..a young fella that came in late Saturday night. Of course I'm supposed to close at 3am on the weekends, and yet there are people who seem to have no sense of time and pop in at quarter to 3 and order pizzas that take 25 minutes to cook. Anyhoo, I figured well fuck it..there's a lot of people, may as well stay open and take their money. So I'm sweating away, slinging pizzas. with mom handling the subs and the cash register, and this young fella decided to holler out, "I wonder how long my fucking assorted subs gonna take." Now, I think a bit of the Pizzaslinger surfaced and said,"Your sub will be ready when its ready!". I think I had a bit of a "don't fuck with me " edge to my voice, cause he shut up and didn't say anything further. A couple of guys were hanging out at the counter and one of them says to the other (apparantly thinking I wouldn't hear) "That one scares me". So I turn to them and said "What did you say?". I think if they weren't waiting for food they would've bolted. I finally managed to get everyone fed and out the door by quarter to 4. Then there was cleanup which took me to 4:30am. Sigh.
I would write more of Pizzaslingers exploits here, but I think she handled those guys they way she felt she wanted to. Consider those bastards lucky. Cause I think she would've leaped over the counter with a single bound, and grab buddy off the chair by the ear and toss him across the room, landing him squarely on the 2 fucks that said they were scared of me. Lol.
I'm thinking of finally uploading photos on this blog, mainly to show you all Pizzaslingers weapons of choice. Should be interesting.
Hmmm...some more news...having been inspired by Oh Great One, and Brodie, I've decided to prevent my creative juices from stagnating by starting an afghan of my own..hmmm...I never liked that word...reminds me of the dog breed, not a blanket. Anyhoo, I've been working on mine for almost a week now, and I think it'll take me the whole summer. I wish I had more hours in the day to work on it, but I can only manage an hour a night, perhaps 2 if I'm lucky. We'll see how it goes..this is my first attempt, so if it doesn't work I think I'll be crushed. I'm just using double stitch and single stitch crochet. Wish me luck.
Hmmm...Blogger question time...what to ask..lets make it 2 shall we? First off..where did all my earlier Blogger pals go? Second question...what the weather like in your neck of the woods? Hope to hear from all of you!

And the hip goes out AGAIN!!!!!

Yes..thought I had the damn thing fixed, but, the darn hip is out of place yet again, so have been going to the local chiropractor for some good ol fashioned back cracking. He says that its my job thats causing the hip to go out of place. I had 2 bone crunching sessions this week, and have another one on Monday, and he says that I should be good for the rest of the summer. Alas, this is a prob I'll have to deal with from time to time.
I love the fact that I have new blogger pals sending me their comments. Its great..for this stranger in the Back Forty its nice to have some pen pals..(or would it be typing pals now?). Hmmm...Anyhoo...I do have a rant for ya today...ohhhh la la...its about the frickin water meters and other things pertaining to the ineptness of our elected officials...and hopefully my bad ass alter ego Pizzaslinger will chime in on what she'd like to do with these people.
Okay...Any one who has read previous posts knows about my utter dislike of town officials and also of the water meters they sprung on the townsfolk. Well, the restaurant couldn't get a water meter right away like most people did, because the Public works crew couldn't figure out where our shut off valve was so they could install the meter. Seven times they came...finally they managed to find the blueprints, and discovered that the shut off valve was located under the paved driveway out back. So they punch a hole in the asphalt to get to the valve and assured us that the area would be patched. Well, my idea of patching and theirs obviously wasn't the same, as they filled the hole with DIRT. Yeah..dirt, of all things. Anyhoo, they had told people in town meetings that the installation of the meters would only take 15-20 minutes. Okay...we'd told them that they can come in anytime we're not open. They come in at 10am, when Mom needs to prep for opening at 11am. 3 HOURS later they were done. Do you think they spent the whole 3 hours sweating their asses off to install this meter? Not on your christly life. They spent most of the time drinking coffee and smoking their cigarettes out back. I guess Mom got on their case, because we had to be closed during lunch, so we lost money. She asked them how she was expected to make dough for pizzas when the water wasn't turned on yet. They had the audacity to suggest Mom get the water from the bowling alley next door. Yeah, the bowling alley that pissed me off this summer with their fucking barbeque. Wow...what chutzpah, let me tell you. So Mom made it a point to call the Township to ask in her Greek Mother guilt trip way what the fuck these guys were doing, wasting tax payers money. I told Mom what she needs to do is send the Township a bill for her lost wages those 3 hours, my lost wages, plus an estimate of what we could have made had we been open. I am tempted. What dicks...ahhh...wait a minute....yes..Pizzaslinger is gonna tell you how she'd take care of these loafers!
Pizzaslinger strikes back at the Lazy Public Employees..
Pizzaslinger (sees 2 men and 1 woman hanging out back chugging on their smokes, sipping coffee and laughing at an amusing anecdote the 1 guy is narrating)- Hey!
(The 3 turn to look at her)
Pizzaslinger- Hey, I can't be closed for lunch..I need that water meter installed pronto and the water turned back on. I have to make dough!
1 of the dicks- Just get water from next door.
Pizzaslinger- Excuse me?
2nd dick- Well, they can give you water for your dough from the bowling alley right?
Pizzaslinger- What the fuck are you..high AND lazy? I don't like my tax money going to this extended vacation you call a break. Hurry up or you'll be sorry.
3rd dick (this is the woman)- We'll be sorry? (scoffs) We'll be done when we 're done.
Pizzaslinger- That does it! (Marches up to woman dick grabs her cig and breaks it in half and throws it at her) Last time...finish the job you're overpaid to do!
1st dick- Hey! Leave her alone. (attempts to subdue Pizzaslinger by grabbing her wrist, but in a split second, Pizzaslinger has grabbed his wrist spun around, and had him doubled ove as she has his arm bent and twisted in an unnatural shape)
Pizzaslinger- I already asked you nice...now its time to take out the trash. (She grabs 1st dick , lifts him high over her head, and marches over to the garbage dumpster. She dumps him in unceremoniously, and tosses the heavy lid down. She turns to the other 2 dicks)
Pizzaslinger- There! It only takes 2 people to install this fucking meter right?
2nd dick- Uhhhhh..
Pizzaslinger- What? You got some fuckin speech impediment?
3rd dick- Yes. (obviously in awe of the great and powerful woman in the sauce stained apron in front of her)
Pizzaslinger- Yes, it only takes two to install or yes he has a speech impediment?
3rd dick- Both.
Pizzaslinger- I expect this meter to be installed, the water turned back on and all your filthy butts picked up and placed in the proper receptacle in 15 minutes. Any questions?
2nd dick- But we can't do it that fast!
Pizzaslinger- I think you may surprise yourself. (points to the garbage bin) Unless you want to join your buddy on his break there.
2nd dick- I should report you to the mayor!
Pizzaslinger- You do that, and you can ask him to tell you the delightful story of how his balls ended up in a Mason jar that's presently on my mantle at home.
(2nd and 3rd dick stare in shock)
Pizzaslinger- MOVE!!!! (Gives them both a hard shove that knocks them both on their arses. They scramble up to their feet, hurredly grab their tools and get to work).
Pizzaslinger- Now thats more like it! (she brushes her hands off and goes inside to prepare her badass pizza dough)
Thanks Pizzaslinger! So tonight we are open til 3am...lucky me got a break away from the place to come up here , so I could type all my thoughts. Plus...its way cooler up here! Today and tomorrow the humidex will be 33, and by the pizzaoven its more like 50 . Degrees. Celcius. Of course the great badass Pizzaslinger gets stronger by the oven. Whipping out those pizzas that bring customers to Nirvana recharges her batteries, getting her more than prepared to kung foo anyones ass who dares to look at her crosseyed. She also has very acute hearing and could hear a pin drop in a room of 50 rowdy drunks. She has x-ray vision, that enables her to see if someone has sneaked food in from another restaurant, or someone trying to make off with stolen property. Lets see...she wields that pizzaknife like a broadsword, and has bad ass biceps. She is a muscular woman, with piercing blue eyes, and dark hair. But she has a soft spot for kids, and will defend them if accosted by a drunk fool. Hmmm...more on Pizzaslinger at another time..I must go..but my Blogger question is...if you could be a superhero, what would you be and what would your powers be? Now Sugarfoot, I know you don't think you have a alter ego, but try something...I'd like to see what everyone comes up with..Until then , keep on Bloggin!

Hmmm.....

I guess its been a little while since I last posted eh? Lets see...Oh! On Canada Day, Bubby, our peach faced Lovebird celebrated her 1st year. She and the rest of our birdie crew got special egg buscuits for a treat. I tried a little of it myself (hey i was curious as to the taste) and I found it pretty tasty. No wonder they liked it so much.
Unfortunately for the town, Canada Day festivities were cancelled, and no alternate date was set to celebrate, due to the massive rainstorm that dumped 40-50mm of water. Oh well. Funny tho, the editor of the paper decides to get on his little soapbox for this weeks issue of the poorly written local paper and admonish local businesses for not doing their part to show Canadian pride, for as he put it, only the newspaper office had the foresight to decorate with Canadian flags. Pardon me King Shit of Turd Isle! Whoops! I forgot to put out the freakin flag. We have a saying out here in retort, and it goes "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!". I'm so glad we don't put our advertisements in that crappy paper anymore. Frig...the damn paper reads like a journal. Hell, my blog is far more interesting than that waste of trees. One last insult to the local paper and I'll move on Blogger pals..the only thing that paper is good for is to wipe my arse! Whew! A bit of my alter ego the Pizzaslinger came out there..I think she's starting to take over...
Anyhoo..I was lucky to get not one, but TWO days off! Oh no..this is not a typo..I really did, andI got to go to Sault Ste Marie with Mom. Now, it wasn'tentirely a pleasure trip..since the Conservative government lowered the GST (Goods and Services Tax, or Government Spending Tax, as I like to call it FYI for those who are not Canadian), we've had to adjust the cash registers to reflect the 1% drop. Anyhoo, normally we can go and get it done over the phone, but Mom couldn't find the S key for one of them, and our back up cash register needed servicing anyways. So we loaded the registers into the trunk of the car, packed an overnight bag, and away we went. The trip went well...when we finally got to the Soo, we ateat this lovely Italian restaurant called Giovanni's. The best Italian food I ever ate! And they make an absolutely excellent chocolate cake with caramel. MMMM...I was full, not to mention in absolute heaven after eating there. If you ever go to Sault Ste Marie in Ontario, check it out. You won't be dissapointed.
The next day, we finally managed to locate the business that services the cash registers- the address we had was where they used to be, so after locating a current phone book, we were able to find their new location. A bit of a departure here..but as I got out of the car, some guy accosted me and asked if I had "spare change". I told him I was broke and went on my way. I was thinking, "Now, why would I give him money when he's wearing brand new running shoes, and was holding a CD player?" I think if I'd let the Pizzaslinger have her way, she'd have smacked him upside the head and told him if he was so frickin desperate for spare change, he could pawn the CD player, or ummmm...hmmmm...GET A JOB! Believe me when I say this..he was an able bodied, apparantly healthy male who has no excuse to be unemployed. What an ass!
So we drop off the cash registers, as it would take a few hours and we headed off to Station Mall. There, I got my nails done by a Vietnamese guy who called himself Bell...Bell Canada. A full set of gel nails for only $30! I gave him a $10 tip...his work is excellent...hopefully we can go back to the Soo and I'll get them done up again. So after that I continued shopping, and got my passport photos done, plus I hit the Coles Bookstore and picked up the last 3 books in the Dark Tower series by Stephen King....I started reading the series in 1993 thereabouts, and I think there was a span of like 7 years between bok 3 and 4, so now I can finally see if Roland of Gilead andhis band of Gunslingers finally make it to the Dark Tower. If you've never read it, its fantastic..tho book 4 kind of recaps what happens in the previous book, but I was assured by a friend of mine it gets really interesting again. So that makes me happy. Hmm..and I bought a couple pairs of shades for my mom and I. If I ever get contacts, then I can wear them, but I bought them cause I thought they were cool.
Mom and I also stopped at the pet store and saw the most interesting birds. They're called Conures, and the ones I saw in the store were only 4 and a half months old, but the lady who ran the store was very knowledgable about the breed, and she even had the papers. Interesting fact about this breed...they sleep on their backs and had a little nest suspended in their cage that looked like a tent. The lady brought out one bird, and it lay on her hand and allowed mom and I to gently pet him or her on the belly (can't tell gender on a bird until you get a DNA sample). So that was a definate highlight. After we finished shopping we picked up one of the registers (the other one needed a part) and drove back into the Back Forty. I was tired after the trip. We git back at 8pm, and after unloading all the stuff we bought, I went to work preparing dough for the next day. I didn't get home til about 1 am. Such a good trip. I have to say I look forward to the next outing.
Well thats all the interesting stuff I could think of. Hopefully I'll have some more things to say (or rather gripe) about. Hmmm...dare I do another Blogger question? I think since I have created my alter ego, I'd love to hear yours. Does he or she have any special powers? Let me know! And for all those Blogger pals O' mine who haven't bloggedon their own sites for a while, where the heck are you already? Have you given up blogging? Either way, I'd still like to hear from you. So until next time....