Childhood friends and bittersweet memories....

JUst this past week, I got in touch with a good friend of mine I knew way back in Junior High, and have been catching up after over 10 years of losing touch. It's been terrific. My friend, P, and I hung out at each others houses...played together...at one point in my life I felt like she was my only friend. I could talk to her about anything, and I never felt judged. She moved away some years later, and we lost touch, and I missed her terribly. To hear that she has a family of her own now, and is happy makes me happy. Over the past year, I've gotten in touch with half a dozen people who found me, and it's been terrific. Sometimes, when I look back on all the fun times I had with friends, I find tho that my mind wanders back to the pain others in my classes inflicted on me. I'll admit my Blogger friends, that I wasn't popular at all in Junior High. It was the most socially awkward time of my life. Picture this...a bad perm, problems with my weight, coke bottle glasses; add to that that I was painfully shy, and you can see why I was such an easy target. I had days where I didn't want to go to school because I knew that certain people would make me feel low about the way I looked. I'll admit here and now that these bullies did drive me to a few suicide attempts. Thank God I didn't succeed.
One girl in particular made my life a living hell. She used to tell me all the time (on a daily basis) that I was worthless, ugly, a loser, a geek, fat, I had no friends...blah blah blah. The day I moved from Grimshaw C.H. came up to me and said, "I'm sooo happy you're leaving, I'm throwing a huge party at my house." I walked away. I swore someday I would show people I was somebody. The funny thing was she did get her comeuppance years later. I'd moved a few times and I had heard thru the grapevine that she'd dropped out of school, got pregnant, but I couldn't confirm those rumors until one fine day in Peace River. By then I was 16, and had recently lost 55 pounds in 6 months. For those who want a picture of how much weight I lost, I went from a 34 inch waist to a 24 inch waist. I looked amazing for the first time in my life. One day I was walking by the SAAN store in P.R., and I noticed a girl my age approaching. She was obviously pregnant, and pushing a baby carriage. It looked like C.H., but I wasn't sure so I walked past her. Suddenly I stopped and turned around. The girl was looking at me, her jaw dropped in amazement. It was her. Now, what did Stranger do? I smiled, turned, and went on my way. What can I say? Karma's a bitch.
Now there were guys in my class that used to treat me like shit too. Once when I was 19, I was brave enough to approach one who made Grade 7 a nightmare. On the first day in Grade 7, he turned to me and said, (and I'm quoting here verbatim), "I hope you fail so I never have to see your ugly face again." I saw him in the bar when I was 19 and told him that what he said years before hurt me more than he would ever know. He actually told me he'd forgotten that incident, but apologized profusely nonetheless, which helped a bit with closure. Still tho, incidents like the one I've described have stuck with me after all this time. When I think hard about it, I would've rather they hit me than use hateful words, as I find the words far painful. I spent years finding my self worth again. But I want to thank you haters out there, because you didn't break me. You were close, but guess what? I'm still here, and I'm strong now. You can never hurt me again, because I won't let you.
I want to thank those few friends that I did have: those who I've gotten in touch with again, those friends I havenow, and for those who are now with God, thank you for being my friends, and seeing my inner worth, for you people saved me from doing the unspeakable. Okay, I'm a little vaclempt right now...forgive me...talk amongst yourselves while I pull myself together here.........................................................okay I'm better now. Bless your hearts, and a big hug and good Karma is being sent to you right now.
Blogger question now....what was your painful moment? If that is too much for you to answer, then who was the friend in high school that made the tough times bearable? Also, I know this entry is a bit heavy...I'm revealing a lot of myself here, but I think I need to put it down. Some people have said that you can't truly find closure on certain things until you're in a place where you feel secure...then for some reason your mind opens a door to reveal a painful time so that you can deal with it. I'm finding that over the past 10 years, I have been able to find closure on a lot of things. It's all good. So leave me a message...give me your two cents.
Peace!